I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
