The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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