I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
