Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
