dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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