Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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