trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
