so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
