How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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