If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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