His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
