Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
