9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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