the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
