it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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