Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
