Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
