She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
