Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
