wrigley field is MILF paradise
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
