Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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