Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
