I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
