There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
