his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
