i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize