plz talk dirty to me
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
