You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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