do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
