I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
