I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
