I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
