My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
