I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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