I didn't shave. On purpose
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
