I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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