i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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