I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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