These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
