put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just high enough for therapy.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
