you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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