I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
