Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
