I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
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I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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