if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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