He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize