Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
