Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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