I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ketchup is God's man juice
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.