My friends, they love my intelligence
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.