You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.