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yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
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