i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.