Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
