John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Wonâ€™t Believe
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah