im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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