there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
