i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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