Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
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What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
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Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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