its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
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