oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
