He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
