I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
