Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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