I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
