i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
that's an acceptable place to lick
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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