I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
