just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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