Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
