Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
