Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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