I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I want to be your penis for a week.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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